Hi everybody, probably only Nei, I was talking to her and whenever I talk to Nei it always make me think of livejournaling deep into the night, also fangirling of course. so it's 1:50am and I feel like livejournaling. I just finished watching Harry Potter :D
So here goes, what I've been up to lately;
I've been doing videos on YouTube lately, kind of in a "Let's Play" format, just having fun with it. I took a break to try and start figuring out editing, since there's always boring parts that should be edited out.
Here's my channel link https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzHYY5rnoFW4lk6HKrxdMAA
I just finished upgrading my PC, I put a new case, and a new video card in it, and a friend was selling his old monitors on mounts so I have his 2 21 inch monitors hooked up along with my one big 28 inch monitor and I also hook up my 40 inch TV, so I can have all the screens! It's ridiculous, and makes me laugh when I think about it. I spent too much, the video card was 400, both monitors together were only 100 bux, which is less than the price of the mounts so that's cool. Never mind the other stuff, now that I have a computer than can play all the latest games I have no money for any of them.
Now to the hard part of this post, how I've been feeling;
A few months ago I started some new immune suppressants, trying to get my Crohn's disease under control, they kind of worked for a month, then haven't really helped much since, I've gotten used to them now though and I'm still working towards getting things controlled.
2 months ago because of having a weak immune system and possibly stress I got shingles, which if you don't know you can get it if you've had chicken pox. I've been really sick before but that was the worst I've felt, I was always tired, the rash that you get affected my head and forehead, and even went into the white of my right eye, which is the only eye I have sight in, so that was scary, I had to check it out with the eye doctor a about 4 times, I also had a trip to Vancouver in the beginning of that by the time I left I was so sensitive to light that I curled up in my room for a full week, laying with a cold wet cloth on my eye, not even able to watch tv or play on my phone or computer because that was too bright. After a week I had to go back to work because self employment sucks. driving in the sunlight wasn't fun. took a full month for that light sensitivity to go away and even now my head still itches. Apparently I caught this in time to take the drugs to make it heal faster so I can't imagine it being worse but it can be, I also could have went blind.
I find myself still having bad days emotionally, I just find it so hard to feel motivated now. This comes back to losing Noah, and maybe even a bit of Olivia leaving. Those were such motivating factors in my life, I had to go to work, I had to make meals, I had to keep things in order, because those people were depending on me. Now I feel like there's nothing pushing me in my life. I just feel like I don't care about anything some days. I think that's part of losing purpose, now I just need to find a new one.
My life is forever changed, it's a lot emptier now, the things that used to fill it up are gone and nothing will take their place. I'm grateful for my friends because even though I've been avoiding leaving the house or being social, I know my friends are amazing people, that are always there for me.
I've been writing in a notebook journal, but I think I might start blogging again, and maybe a video blog sometime. writing makes me happy, it's like talking to a friend, when it's too hard to say the words.
It's 3:20am now so time for sleep.